Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Holding my breath

This entire deployment, I’ve been afraid of something…
I’ve been terrified that something would happen to one of the kids… on my watch, and it would be my fault.
I’m the only one responsible around here for the care of our three beautiful children and it scares the crap out of me.
I do the best that I can, and try to use all of my eyes, including the ones in the back of my head. So far, we’ve only had one ER trip for the gash on E1’s head… the 3 staples were removed last week and she’s doing fine.
I’ve had horrible nightmares that will not leave my memory.
As we near the end of the deployment, I’m worrying more. Some nights I can hardly sleep.
I can’t wait for Stuntman to be home, so I can go back to my normal mom level of worrying about the kids.

7 comments:

Rookie Army Wife said...

I understand your increase in worry during this time. I think it's easier to focus that on the kids because they are within your range of control where he is not. I can only imagine that I will be the same way when I can say the magical words that the deployment is almost over. Hang in there.....big hug.

trying said...

dittos on the hang in there. i always feel such a relief when flyboy comes back from where ever, its wearing being the ONLY person responsible.

hugs and prayers to get you thru!

Jamie said...

Yes, hang in there. You've made it this far and look what a wonderful job your doing!

jan wesner said...

Oh, God, I felt that EXACT same way. And I worried that if something did happen on my watch, Mark would never forgive me.

It's a horrible feeling, but I think a perfectly natural reaction to the stress of being the sole parent.

ABW said...

I got that feeling a few nights ago and it hasn't really left. I don't think it will. Just something about them being there in case makes it easier.

23y/o Army wife/SAHM said...

I know exactly what you mean. Not too much longer!

Slightly Salty said...

I had those same thoughts too before Obi-Wan came home. That last month I had more fear that something would happen in the final stretch like I would forget to turn a curling iron off and burn the house down with the dogs inside and all sorts of crazy thoughts. Hang in there, like everyone said.